I definitely don’t agree that you should go through life rigidly sticking to rules and codes. But sometimes, when faced with snap decisions, it’s handy to have a loose set of principles to fall back on which can save you from making an epic mistake. (eg. “Wait guys, lets NOT split up to search the house that was built on an ancient native american burial ground in the middle of the night on halloween…”) Here are a couple of “Do Nots”
Never trust anyone with a surname for a first name. (thanks Luke)
Never trust anyone in white jeans. (Ash)
Never trust anyone who doesn’t look good in wayfarers (Iona)
Never trust anyone who calls you “Buddy” on first meeting them.*
Never trust anyone who considers ordering a drink using the serving size descriptor “Schooie” or tries to call a vodka orange a Screwdriver.**
Never touch a black man’s radio (thanks Chris Tucker)
I can’t think of anymore. I had heaps before i sat down!
I’m aware that most of these are negative, and i could have a list of you know, nice things to do, but where’s the fun in that?
*This is particularly important. These people are instigating an unequal power relationship in which you (i.e. the Buddee) are echelons below them (i.e. the Budder) on the social strata. fuck these guys.
**seriously fuck you guys. for the former, how hard is it to finish that word? and for the latter, we are NOT in 1920s prohibition America, and you are not a connoisseur. Keep that 10 c tip you were going to leave and buy yourself another one of those chat ties. You’re from the shire, and you live with your mum and your hair looks stupid.